God isn't after simply the "right" behaviour in us, He desires healthy development and growth, where the behaviour is a byproduct of healthy growth.

One of the reasons I love Psalm 1. If we make Christ our True North, the one who determines who we are, we will "be like a tree planted by streams of water. Bearing fruit in season. Whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does will prosper.”

So some of us are at the beginning of the growing process. The seed of God's Kingdom has been planted in us, and signs of new life is beginning to break the surface. For others who have been on this journey for some time, the roots are well developed and deep. By God's grace we are all developing well, and growing in trust and love.

So what stage do you think you are at?

For most of us behaviour change or growth comes in a number of stages.

If the roots are growing in healthy soil, these stages emerge quite naturally. First might come precontemplation, then contemplation, which moves to preparation, then action and finally maintenance. 

Interesting that our Christian walk also has stages. Stages of trust. Stages of love.

Bernard of Clairvaux was the abbot of a Cistercian monastery in France somewhere in AD 1090-1153. Was perhaps the greatest Christian leader and writer of his day.

In his work “Loving God” he describes the 4 stages of love.

1)     Loving Others for Our Own Sake

2)     Loving God for His Gifts and Blessings

3)     Loving God for Himself Alone

4)     Loving Ourselves for the Sake of God.

He goes on to say that he believed the highest degree of love was simply that we love ourselves as God loves us – the same degree, the same manner, and with the very same love.

That we love the self that God loves. Yes, the damaged, broken self, damaged by sin, but fully loved by God. That to Bernard was the greatest degree of love.

This is why God can applaud us. He knows where we are at developmentally. He knows what stage we are at. If we have just begun this journey, does he reprimand us for not bearing fruit? No, likely he smiles and says "No fruit yet, but it’s coming! Roots are developing. You’re doing great!"

This is why He can admonish us to not compare ourselves to others. "They’re at a different stage. Don’t worry about it. Keep focussed on me."

So when we get stunted, does God reprimand us for not cutting it? No, he looks at the stages – and asks "why are they not developing? Why are the roots not growing? What’s going on?" And by His Holy Spirit He begins to go after the issue, so we can become the people we are designed to be.

So when we see someone blocked, stuck, we don’t guilt them in order to get the right behaviour. No, we want to take the time to discern what is happening. Invite the Holy Spirit into the situation. In order to see them move to the next stage.