David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken, authors of The Third Culture Kid Experience describe building a RAFT (Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewells, and Think) for healthy transitions.

I think we are all in some kind of transition. Whether it be transitioning from high school to university, from a house full of kids to empty nesters, one child to two, mid-life, a new job, a new home, a new city, or a new church family. Wherever we might find ourselves, we are in some kind of transition. So if that's the case, how do we transition well? RAFT gives us the key elements of a healthy transition strategy.

"The first three of four 'logs' in the RAFT deal with the goodbyes and the fourth is the glue that helps to hold us together when the stress threatens to unglue us.

RECONCILATION is the vital first step in saying goodbyes, as we seek to mend broken relationships and leave with no roots of bitterness or unforgiveness in our hearts.

AFFIRMATION takes place when we speak or write those words of encouragement and thanks that we too rarely express. While reconciliation seeks to heal our ailing relationships, Affirmation strengthens our healthy ones, all with the goal of leaving well.

FAREWELLS mean taking the time to say goodbye, whether formally in large parties or informally to people, but also to places, pets and possessions. Some people prefer to just leave without saying goodbye, but don't realize that as a result, they will live with unresolved grief. The more we harden our hearts to goodbyes, the harder it becomes to open our hearts to new friendships.

THINKING destination keeps our focus clear when the stress of transition shakes our equilibrium. Throughout the sorting, packing, and finishing last details, as well as the reconciliation, affirmation, and farewells, we remember where we are headed and positive things that await us at our destination."

I believe these elements are vitally important for anyone in transition. But my focus is for those who make the decision to leave one church family for another. It's not very often people actually take the time to transition well. Far too often people bring all kinds of unresolved issues into their new church family, which have the power to undermine any emotional and spiritual health that church had before the newcomers arrived. Sure it takes time to process unresolved hurt well, but when we try to bypass healthy grieving, we carry unresolved grief in our hearts, which is very difficult to heal from after the fact. Much easier to deal with it immediately.

The River is meant to be a fun experience, whether it be running rapids or quietly drifting. But to be in the River one needs to have a secure RAFT underneath them. When your RAFT is built well, your time in the River will be all it was meant to be.

So go ahead and build your RAFT. When the white-water hits, you'll be glad you did!